@Tups13: When people tell me to get my act together I have to explain that this is not an act, I really am this incompetent.
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@TheMichaelRock: I hate when my wife says "GO WAIT IN THE CAR" because I'm not sure if she's talking to me or the kids.
@1Bad_Scientist: I'm at my most British when she says "teabag me" and I drop a sack of Earl Grey in her mouth.
@mommy_cusses: Nurse: *handing me a newborn* You got this? Me: Sometimes I have to dig through the trash to re-read the instructions for mac 'n' cheese