@Love_bug1016: When people try to play games with you, simply choose not to play. Unless it's Naked Twister. Never turn down Naked Twister.
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@PaperWash: Paul is coming over tonight Paul smith or Paul who puts ketchup on everything? [car pulls into driveway covered in ketchup]
@Mr_Kapowski: To the cars honking behind me, Sorry I held up the drive thru line for 5 minutes counting to make sure I got all 50 of my McNuggets
@MatCro: [first day as a midwife] ME: Keep pushing! I can see the head! NURSE: You're at the wrong end.