@YesImMatt: When people's driving tweets end mid sentence, did the paramedics find their phone and hit send?
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@KizerBillhelm: *dies* *gets to heaven* *sees furries everywhere* Me: What the... Jeebus: Hell hath no furry, man *laughs, puts on giraffe costume*
@Tmoney68: Got kicked out of the karaoke bar last night for getting 3 women pregnant when I sang Careless Whisper.
@TheBlessMess: The best part of being an adult is eating whatever you want. I just ate a small man that pissed me off at the liquor store.