@BradBroaddus: I won every fight in 1st grade.
Not because I was tough, because I was 13.
@LosLos__: Me: I love you, too...umm...
[Wife says her name]
Me: See? After all these years we're still finishing each other's sentences.
@Monicann86: Every morning I wake up super pissed at my parents because I have to go to work instead of living off a trust fund.
@ThaJawn: *wakes up from surgery
How did it go?
Surgeon: Good, your nose only lit up twice
@Mikecanrant: A guy with a locked account just asked me why I never retweet him.
Stay in school kids.
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