@numbertze: When playing tug of war with a 2yo, it's best to remember they're pulling really really hard and holy shit they travel fast when you let go
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@WilliamAder: They're not called "butt hole mirrors." They're called "hand mirrors," according to this clerk at Walgreens.
@revious: If you're going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10, don't be open.
@Spaziotwat: Survivor 1: "Help! I can't swim! I'm drowning!" Survivor 2: "I have a buoy, friend."
@sweet_pea707: Me: Did you hear what I just said? Him: Yes Me: What did I say? Him: Did you hear what I just said