@numbertze: When playing tug of war with a 2yo, it's best to remember they're pulling really really hard and holy shit they travel fast when you let go
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@Darlainky: Kids today will never know what it's like to have a 3rd grade teacher who teaches every subject and even serves as dentist on fluoride day.
@jake_lach: -"I was the girl that hated you back in high school." -"I'm sorry, can you be more specific?"
@somecleverthing: Want to avoid making excuses when people ask you to hang out? Always say no when someone asks "wanna hear something amazing?"
@noog: Spider: Why don't you like us? Most us are harmless and we kill all the bugs in your house? We just want to help Humans: EW EW EW EW OMG