@noogscorner: When she stops crying and gets really quiet, keep your guard up. You're experiencing what scientists refer to as "the eye of the shitstorm."
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@Courtniss_: There's a special hole in my backyard for people to hit me in the back of the ankles with a shopping cart.
@mydmac: I really wish my twitter crush would scream out my name instead of 'hey you' every time he catches me in the tree in his front yard.
@comer310: Hey gurl, were you taped to the inside of a birthday card from my grandmother? Cause you're a dime.