@meganamram: When singers at concerts hold out the mic for the audience to sing, it's like what am i, your maid
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@iAmJuddy: My coworkers think it's funny they have power & I don't. I think it's funny how they won't get home to enjoy it cuz their tires are slashed.
@happily_dad: Dear neighbors, I am not killing my child. I'm washing her hair. Only she sees it the other way.
@ArfMeasures: HER [sits seductively on my lap] The more you tip...the more I'll take off ME [reaches for wallet] This is such a weird way to cut hair