@meganamram: When singers at concerts hold out the mic for the audience to sing, it's like what am i, your maid
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@iwearaonesie: i'll never forget what mom said when dad told her he thinks we're growing up too fast "they're in there daring each other to eat dog food"
@davedittell: UNICORN: I love the forest! I love my horn! Life is wonderf— [Pegasus flies over chased by babes] UNICORN: God why have you forsaken me
@UGotMeRight: You can catch a decent buzz from smoking catnip but don't be surprised if you wake up on top of the fridge.
@Robert_Beau: HR: You know why you're here? Me: So we can be alone? HR: Your new nickname is a problem. Me: We all have them. HR: Yes, but Sperminator?