@PaulyPeligroso: When skinny girls say "I'm so fat" to fish for a compliment from me, I just agree.
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@MsCarlissima: To convince my boss that I'm keeping busy, I periodically yell "YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME?" into my phone, then slam down the receiver.
@DonQuickoats: Which lip am I supposed to bite to look sexy in selfies? Cuz I look like a werewolf when I bite my top lip
@crylenol: *Ouija board begins spelling* H-A-V-E_S-O-M-E "Ooooh, spooky" G-R-A-N-D-C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N "Dammit Grandma, haunt someone else"
@Audenary: (WW1 1915) ENGLISH GENERAL: Plan? ENGLISH LIEUTENANT: Well, the trenches can be used to- ENGLISH MAJOR: to symbolise man's emptiness, yes...