@PaulyPeligroso: When skinny girls say "I'm so fat" to fish for a compliment from me, I just agree.
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@bingowings14: Someone claimed that their dog could retrieve a ball from up to a mile away, sounds a bit far fetched to me.
@thepunningman: Boss: Isn't your new job kind of a [stifling laughter] sideways move? Crab: [to HR person] see this is what I'm talking about
@robfee: Past elections: Which candidate will most improve our country? 2016 election: Which candidate is least likely to start The Purge?