@iAmDelFreaky: When somebody unfollows me, I want to go on a shopping spree and walk into their house while holding bags and say, "Big mistake. Big. Huge!"
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Cops are raiding Justin Bieber's house looking for eggs. Seriously. Eggs. I can't make this shit up. This is why other countries hate us.
@corinnemlwsw: Every time I visit my parents, I send the kids in first so they can signal me if it's an intervention.
@DanMentos: Guys I finally came up with a name for our character: Spongebob "Perfect!" Thanks "What's his last name?" Oh, uh- *looks at pic* Squarepants
@Ygrene: [God Creating Dads] God: Ah, yes. Think I'm done Dads: Hi Done, we're Dads! God: Dads: God: *creates the adjustable thermostat*