@curlymalloy: When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
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@TheMichaelRock: Of course every kiss begins with k. That's how the English language works, stupid.
@WorIdComedy: mom: why is there a Hispanic man climbing our balcony me: he is my romeo & I am his Juliet mom: (._. ) me: I'm just kidding call the cops
@wittwitbarista: Serial killers are updating their check list now for dumping bodies: 1) will this location be discovered by Pokémon players? 2) do I care?
@XplodingUnicorn: In case you wondered how much patience I have for questions today, I just told my 4-year-old the sky is blue because I said so.