@FattMernandez: When someone asks if I want to hold their baby, I casually mention that I'm constantly tempted to see how far I can throw things.
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@onume_: The girl next to me is texting her friend about how there's an annoying guy looking at her phone, lemme show her which emojis to use.
@Book_Krazy: Me: you can't just be pretty. You have to be smart too! 8: But mom, you're pretty. Me: Awe thank......wait what?
@jake_likes_naps: *locks hands with stranger in elevator* im nervous, this is my first time flying