@FattMernandez: When someone asks if I want to hold their baby, I casually mention that I'm constantly tempted to see how far I can throw things.
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@Paxochka: I saw a zombie wearing Crocs on The Walking Dead and thought to myself "she totally deserved to die".
@gerryhallcomedy: me: *turns around in swivel chair* *tents fingers* I guess you never expected to see ME again... Boss: Must we do this every Monday?
@Bagyants: The term "Expecting a baby" implies uncertainty. Like we're almost sure it's a baby, but could also be a bushel of potatoes, who knows
@WalkingOutside: I've never simultaneously loved something so much and wanted it to shut up as badly as I do with my kids.