@FattMernandez: When someone asks if I want to hold their baby, I casually mention that I'm constantly tempted to see how far I can throw things.
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@IncrediblyRich: Saw Helena Bonham Carter walking down Wardour Street earlier looking every inch the mystical vagabond. Was tempted to rub her head for luck.
@mydanimarie: Sometimes I order Domino's but give them Pizza Hut's address. And when they show up and start fighting, just wait with my mouth open.
@jenlaw_11: If a server comes to my table and asks 'hows everythin tasting?' mid chew I like to grab their wrist and keep them there until I can answer
@B_poling82: Hello, welcome to the evening news, where we're going to scare the shit out of you for 45 minutes, then weather & sports. Stay tuned.