@Vodkantots: When someone asks if you lost weight, the correct response is always, "no, it just seems like it to you because you got fatter."
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@shawnspree: Me: (Insert inspirational quote here) Wife: Wow. That's deep, who said that? Me: I did. Didn't you hear me speak just now?
@filthyson: How to make-out - 1. Hold her close 2. Kiss passionately 3. Don't mention the budget deficit or your father
@69underachiever: I guess I'm getting old. Now when I hear "Pour Some Sugar On Me" I think of 2 things. Who's cleaning it up and I hope we don't get ants.