@psinerd: When someone asks me if I could hold their baby I immediately drop my phone, try to pick it up and drop it again twice, and then say "Sure".
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@Roweboat13G: Some days you're the Titanic, some days you're the iceberg and some days you're that guy who hit the propeller on the way down.
@GeorgiaSweet20: A 17-year-old can win a gold medal at the Olympics, but I don't have enough energy to go to the grocery store and the post office on the same day.
@NoogsCorner: 1) Put index and thumb together. 2) Place them where nose meets forehead. 3) Close eyes. 4) Sigh. 5) Check to see if person still talking.
@samalmightysam: • You're born. • You grow up. • You believe in Santa. • You stop believing in Santa. • You look like Santa. • You are Santa. • You die.