@psinerd: When someone asks me if I could hold their baby I immediately drop my phone, try to pick it up and drop it again twice, and then say "Sure".
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@xLiserx: It's October: For everyone's safety, keep your blonde haired children away from all corn mazes. Do not let them congregate.
@kiel_phillips: ME: I would like a complaint form ASSISTANT: Sorry, we have none left ME: I would like two complaint forms
@robfee: Yelp is a great way to find out where garbage people will never eat again because one time a waitress forgot their honey mustard.
@sammyj_04: What's it called when it's 9:20am and you can't wait for dinner? Oh, it's called fat. Nevermind.