@freedom2726: When someone asks me if I'm busy, it always sounds like a trick question.
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@TheTweetOfGod: Warning: the life you are about to lead contains strong language, adult situations and nudity. Exister discretion is advised.
@LurkAtHomeMom: *Mary Poppins voice* Ok, children! Time to go! [15 min later] *Batman voice* I said let's go.
@carlyken: My favorite part of football is when players "look to God." Because He's all, "I can't do shit for the Middle East but I'm rooting for YOU."
@SomthinBoutSara: Just came to the realization that my ten year high school reunion will be in 10 months. I have about nine days to get married and pregnant.