@freedom2726: When someone asks me if I'm busy, it always sounds like a trick question.
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@robdelaney: My niece just said "Birds live in a birdhouse & we live in a people house!" Cute, huh? Wrong; my niece is 26 & on trial for manslaughter.
@Mr_Kapowski: After incorrectly spelling my symptoms at least 100 times, WebMD kicked back "Listen idiot, you're drunk. Just go lay down"
@TampaBayMomma: Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
@FuckabillyRex: Gave a lady on the bus my seat and then sang Coldplay's Yellow to her and it was so emotional she had to get off at the next stop. ❤