@thenoahkinsey: When someone at the gym asks if I'm "using that equipment", I say "No, my love for it is real." To date, I'm the only one to find that funny
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@HatfieldAnne: Protestants sing every verse to every hymn. Catholics know this. We think about it when we get to the bakery 20 minutes ahead of you.
@MichaelGoffLA: "Engagement" can mean either planning to marry or initiating combat. Coincidence?
@Sean_Burgundy_: I don't get why some girls don't make airplane noises before putting their tampons in
@Liber_what: Me: hey squirrel, dnt steal d pigeon's food, the eggs are about to hatch S: u stole a cake frm ur roomate Me: Me: here, take the eggs too