@thenoahkinsey: When someone at the gym asks if I'm "using that equipment", I say "No, my love for it is real." To date, I'm the only one to find that funny
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@shadygrenade: *Pizza Hut job interview* "Do you own a shitty car and smoke pot?" No sir. "You will."
@AbrasiveGhost: Wife: u can take Max to the park but ur not gonna wrestle other ppls dogs Me in a spandex singlet: Im 16-0 Karen I have a title to uphold
@AndrewNadeau0: 1ST MAN: I'm sorry, I- 1ST HORSE: It's fine. M: H: M: It's just why BOTH walk? So I thoug- H: I said it's fine Gary, stop bringing it up!