@azninthesun: when someone bumps into you, immediately say (loudly) “oh no my hot bod!”
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@Jen_says_nah: Texts friend: sorry, I'm running late. Friend: no problem, let me know when you're on your way. [ 6 weeks later] Ok I've left.
@CourtneyBale: Sadly, at 8:11 PM Mark Jones was mispronounced dead. [at hospital] Doctor: I'm afraid this man has deed. Am I saying that right? He's deed.
@dafloydsta: [couples therapy] HER: His obsession with Star Wars is tearing us apart ME: *covering my Yoda doll's ears* Hear you he can, Karen