@azninthesun: when someone bumps into you, immediately say (loudly) “oh no my hot bod!”
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@PoliUncorrect: Pharmacist: need any help? Me: Yes, I'd like whatever Oprah was on when she gave each and every audience member a car
@KKAlThani: Kids are fun to be around. Then they start kicking, screaming, drooling, crying, fighting and then you're just grateful they're not yours.
@Vice_Queen: [Me flirting with a twenty something] Him: When last did you get lit? Me: This morning. It was really sunny so I was well illuminated.