@azninthesun: when someone bumps into you, immediately say (loudly) “oh no my hot bod!”
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@HatfieldAnne: Learn to ask more specific questions. It's not “How do I look?” It's “Do I look good enough people are surprised I married you?”
@TheAlexNevil: Pro Tip: don't buy cheap duct tape. Your basement guests can chew right through that.
@dlockw21: Being a parent is great because you get to start conversations like: Hey buddy, don't leave your tooth on the coffee table.
@Gupton68: Went to the gym for the first time in months. It turns out I'm more ready for exhuming than I am for exercising.