@Jake_Vig: When someone compliments you, etiquette dictates that you respond with "That is accurate."
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@david8hughes: Interviewer: says here you're a sniper Me [opening gun case]: affirmative Interviewer: is that a Supersoaker with a Pringles can taped to it
@Tups13: I've discovered the best way to get attention is to sit on the coffee table and meow loudly.
@WittySassBasket: I changed to high thread counts when I moved. I have fallen out of the bed 5 times. Super slippery. No wonder those Egyptians died young. Prolly slid right off they pyramids.
@RoosterMustache: Me: if u kill a murderer the number of murderers in the world doesn't change Her: yeah... anyway your total will be $8.49 at the 2nd window