@SomeChrisTweets: When someone ends a sentence with "af" they were hastily trying to type "A FALCON DESCENDS UPON ME" but could not make it in time.
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@RealDMK: Whenever someone with a bumper sticker cuts me off I automatically dislike the cause they support. Right now I'm not too fond of Literacy
@DearAuntAbby: I need to pick up a random hunky guy in a bar, bring him home, have him invite a friend, and THEN mention that I need furniture rearranged
@Karissajem: Neighbors just got a pirate ship playhouse for their backyard. Drunk me has never been so excited.
@gerryhallcomedy: My french toast just surrendered to my german sausage. Breakfast is weird at my house.