@BBQJones28: When someone favorites instead of retweeting me I comfort myself by thinking "they're just keeping me to themselves"
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@AnOrangeSNES: "I just called to say I love you." -Stevie Wonder not understanding how prank calls work
@DomBorrett: I can't wait to find out who's playing Donald Trump in the next season of American Horror Story
@SergioValenCo: I don't tweet about my boss because I don't wanna be a suspect when he disappears.
@jeffreyvanclea1: if a cop ever asks me to count from 100 backwards ..i just get in the back seat