@bridger_w: When someone has a baby, I'm just like, OK, clearly you were desperate to have someone to hang out with
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@BoogTweets: Judas: How long are your arms? Jesus: Why? Judas: Like in a cross, how long Jesus: A what? Judas:Across. How long across.
@Audenary: GOD: Go forth, my tiny friends! ANTS: Hooray! ANGEL: Ok next creation ... The anteater. ANTS: The what now?
@iGreenMonk: Baked turkey for 4 and a half days - instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108! #MyProblem
@ARealTinderella: You know, you don't realise what you've got until you don't have it. I just ran out of toilet paper ...