@InternetHippo: “When someone is mad at you, that’s THEIR problem” and other advice from my upcoming book, ‘Where Did All My Friends Go’
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@sixfootcandy: Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor's yard to cut it down is an art.
@blade_funner: SEXY POTATO: Hey buddy, my eyes are up here, and over here, and down here, and around here and
@MomofTeen: If having a social media account makes you a journalist, changing a lightbulb makes me an electrician.
@Philosopherbing: Actual warning I saw in a pamphlet: "You may be at risk for throat cancer if you have a throat or mouth." Oh shit....