@InternetHippo: “When someone is mad at you, that’s THEIR problem” and other advice from my upcoming book, ‘Where Did All My Friends Go’
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@That_Damn_Duck: I bet the women who only tweet about sex are probably some of the nicest men you’ll ever meet in person.
@peachesanscream: My nephew told me all he wants for Christmas is his dead dog back. Can't WAIT to see his face when I wrap it up and stick it under the tree.
@Erroneous_Me: I hate my job, but it pays for my alcohol, and I need the alcohol, because I hate my job.