@OneLastStranger: When someone looks over my shoulder while I'm on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, "HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."
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@thepunningman: Remember, you are statistically more likely to be killed by a donkey than a plane crash. [Donkey Pilot turns and does throat slit gesture]
@Dana_Bruno: What's that thing called where every time you stand up you have to limp for the first minute? Oh yeah…39
@Jake_Vig: THERAPIST: You're cured. ME: Really?!? THERAPIST: No, of course not. How did that make you feel?