@Brianhopecomedy: When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it's Santa Claus!" so I don't have to get up.
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@UncleDuke1969: *cocks gun* Me: "Go ahead." Horse: "Just be cool, man." Me: "DRINK." Horse: "No problem. It's just a stupid expression."
@Vodkantots: Awwww, she looks so sweet and peaceful when she's not yelling. -my kids, watching me sleep
@kelkulus: The Church of England rejected female bishops. How can women's rights expect to move forward if they're not even allowed to move diagonally?