@facciabella: When someone says "everything happens for a reason," I stab them and laugh, just so they know I understand.
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@WheelTod: [Interview] "Why'd you leave ur last job?" My boss felt threatened by me [Flashback to juggling lighters after dousing boss in gasoline]
@marinhubka: "I'm not sure-" wife: honey he's a zookeeper if he says these are koalas I trust him-aww look at them! *the raccoons hiss from the dumpster*
@LinajkReturns: If he's hot on your heels, dump him. You do not want a man who looks better in your shoes than you do.