@facciabella: When someone says "everything happens for a reason," I stab them and laugh, just so they know I understand.
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@Cpez38: *points w/ middle finger* "Sure, take this road for about another mile, pull over & go ask someone else" - Me giving directions.
@iGreenMonk: I went for a run in morning but came home after 2 minutes coz I forgot something I forgot that I'm so fat that I can only run for 2 minutes
@badbanana: When I want something a little healthier than an ice cream sandwich, I usually go for an ice cream salad.
@chadchaines: [phone makes noise] [gets giddy about how popular I'm about to feel] Oh. It's an email about car insurance. [quietly dies a little inside]