@Sarcasticsapien: When someone says "excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable", how long are they usually gone? Two days seems like a long time.
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@RocketRankoon: "What time is it?" *pulls out phone, checks Twitter, puts phone away* *Still has no idea what time it is*
@Laser_Cat: The British are coming! The British are coming! The British have to get up early! The British swear they'll call you in the morning!
@heroinsdemise: I always wonder how Men managed to find entire continents. Mine can't even find the butter in the fridge.
@JosesLovesYou: I remember back in the day when you had to roll up a tiny scroll and give it to a falcon to tweet