@Sarcasticsapien: When someone says "excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable", how long are they usually gone? Two days seems like a long time.
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@Steelers1972: Just hung a picture of Steve Buscemi over my daughters toothbrush to ensure proper brushing.
@crylosec: [train station] Man: hey you. Woman: Hi. M: i'm Christian. W: That's a pickup line? *rolls eyes, walks away M: ugh. i hate my name.