@EliseRose5: When someone says, "Good luck with that'' they actually mean "Let me grab some popcorn so I can watch you fail."
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@BadassBarbie11: The good news is, I blocked the creepy guy. The bad news is, I'm tweeting this from inside his trunk.
@chuuew: [BOOK CLUB] ME: So last weeks assignment was Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk. What did everyone think? STEVE: PAUL: JANE: SARAH: MARK: DAVE:
@XplodingUnicorn: Random woman in the store: What's in your mom's tummy? 5-year-old: A baby. Woman: What kind of baby? 5-year-old: A human one. Nailed it.
@hayes_t_r: *puts on layers of running gear* *makes a ponytail* *laces up sneakers* *drives to McDonalds*