@EliseRose5: When someone says, "Good luck with that'' they actually mean "Let me grab some popcorn so I can watch you fail."
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@samuelhlowe: Chasing a Pringles can down a slope is the closest I've ever been to hunting my own food.
@Pappiness: Eric Trump said the Syria strike was swayed by a "heartbroken" Ivanka. He also pouted that dad has never bombed a country for him.
@KalvinMacleod: [pet therapy] THERAPIST: ok slow ME: *pets 2 dogs* T: just 1 M: *pets 3 dogs* T: Nurse, restrain him, he’s M: *pets 4 dogs* T: roverdosing