@dru0887: When someone says “No Biggie”, I reply with “not since ‘97” and immediately break down crying
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@jwoodham: Why would America make the bald eagle its national bird when all they do is attack things and fly away and nevermind I think I get it now.
@randygdub: trump is putting everyone who works at goldman sachs in the government so that there's no one left to run GS and they go out of business
@CelebrityChez: How long are you supposed to wait before you unpause the tv after you've told your wife that you're gay?