@LOsepyan: When someone says "surprise me", I immediately drop my pants and start singing its raining men.
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@TheBoydP: The ruling that legal papers can now be "served" on Facebook is ridiculous. Don't they know the people they're looking for are on twitter?
@randomlawless: Men don't ignore us; they have selective hearing. Give them instructions for roasted turkey & they'll remember "breast, thighs, moist & hot"
@CornOnTheGoblin: °pulls up to drive-thru° [ME] ONE NUMBER 4 WITH A COKE [FREIND] aren't you on a diet [ME] oh yeah..AND A BOOK ABOUT MANNERS FOR MY FRIEND