@TarzanFeathers: When someone says "The last thing I'd want to do is hurt you", I'm wondering why they have a list of things to do that includes hurting me.
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@farahfergie: The Cheesecake Factory had a "Help Wanted" sign. I was really disappointed that it wasn't to help eat the cheesecake. #FluffyChickProblems
@stockejock: My mom's favorite part of Mother's Day is describing my birth in detail to an 18 year old waitress who is just there to get our drink order.