@dumbbeezie: When someone says they have a surprise I quickly tell myself it's probably not cake. I'm tired of the let down.
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@missekay: Hey guys, remember when you could still refer to your knees as right and left instead of good and bad? Good times.
@C00LpenNAME: I totally just realized that Dora the Explorer and Vlad the Impaler have the same middle name
@senderblock23: "You know who else loved carbs? Hitler." - excerpt from my book How To Diet Through Shame & Manipulation
@SummerRay: I was the first person to install trampolines in musician's tour buses and now everybody is jumping on the bandwagon.