@jessokfine: When someone says "women like you" to me, I assume they're referring to extremely powerful wizards.
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@LionJenkins: I imagine colonoscopies are accompanied by the theme music from the underground level of Super Mario Bros.
@BecksWelker: 7:02 pm: I'll probably have 1 or 2 beers 2:43am: [emailing the former CEO of radio shack] WHY THE FUCJ WERE U SELLING VCRS IN 2014
@elle91: I'm afraid my neighbors are starting to notice that I can't tell them apart but greet each of their dogs by name.
@abbycohenwl: [sees old lady drop $20] Devil on Shoulder: Grab her cash! Devil on other Shoulder: And push her over!