@morebees: when someone says 'your flys down' it implies that 1) i have a fly and 2) hes having a bad day
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@i_wantMyBiitch: I gently slid her panties to the side.... so that I cud fit the rest of her socks in the drawer.
@EvanJKessler: If this whole twitter thing doesn't work out, we can all get jobs writing for a company that makes mildly disturbing fortune cookies.
@UncleDuke1969: Date: "You're very tall! Do you play basketball?" Me: "You're very fat. Are you a sumo wrestler?"
@weinerdog4life: Maybe the raccoons threw away something very important. Did you ever think about that you big jerk.