@kellymcc0y: When someone spaces out their "ha ha ha's" in a text I read it in Count Dracula's voice
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@OldUncleDaveO: I don't go back to my hometown very often because I've burned too many bridges. And also because I am wanted for bridge arson.
@geowizzacist: (Me playing guitar) 3: Daddy what's this song called? Me: Going Nowhere. 3: I know that but what's this song called? Burned by a 3yo.
@OnlyFastEddie: Halloween and Valentine's day are pretty much the same thing... people dress up and pretend to be someone they're not for some sugar