@iGreenMonk: When someone tell me , "long time no see" i usually reply, "I know, we're really not that good of friends"
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@GuyThe_Guy: I didn't want to make a scene but not fluffing my wife's pillows should get the point across that I don't appreciate the way she spoke to me
@Bob_Janke: If you spend "up to $9000" on my funeral it better be on some kind of mechanism that makes me sit up in the casket when people walk by.
@Hobo_Splendido: All these years you thought your grandma had Alzheimers, and turns out she just didn't want to talk to you.
@FattMernandez: I like that they put Bibles in hotel rooms. You never know when you're going to run into a vampire who's on a road trip.