@AlexvanBeek: When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
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@krissywillbretz: When I said "I'm really good in bed" I was referring to sleeping. Sorry for the misunderstanding, you can pull your pants up now.
@SteveSuckington: [walks into Halloween party with a hot dog taped to my head] "What are you supposed to be?" ME: I'm not wearing a costume
@faungirl123: Ladies with "finger in their mouth" avis, what's on your finger? Cake batter? Is it cake batter? Can I have some?
@KeetPotato: [my first day hosting shopping channel] "for those of you who love coconut, boy do we have a product for you" [holds up a coconut]