@AlexvanBeek: When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
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@Beatonm5: He said he was a Guardian of the galaxy, I thought that was pretty cool until I realised he was a security guard in a Samsung shop.
@junejuly12: [road trip] My dad: Seatbelts? What seatbelts? Kids don't need seatbelts. [hospital] My dad: Concussion? What concussion?
@OreoSpeedwagon_: Adopt 25 cats and you'll never be alone. Also melt cheese on things. Not the cats though. -me as a therapist