@weismanjake: When someone tells me to have a safe flight it's like ok I will do my best but just so you know I am not the pilot of the airplane
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@shipwrecksean: I'm looking for something with the health benefits of yoga but absolutely none of the yoga
@ericsshadow: I can tell exactly how much someone weighs by how much noise they make when I push them down the stairs.
@rodney_at_large: If the final comments of your speech last 45 minutes, please don't preface them with "and lastly".
@NickSwardson: Just got a residual check for 6 dollars for my scene in Almost Famous sooo...going to Vegas!!!!!!!!