@Bez: When someone texts "whatcha doin" after midnight the appropriate response is "someone else" even if you're just eatin' pizza all alone.
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@shawnspree: Banned an 80 year old man for life from attending NBA games. What's that? Like maybe 10 years?
@KentWGraham: My boss has stopped letting me leave early for my son’s Little League games ever since he learned he’s in his second year of college.
@KyleMcDowell86: *puts dreamcatcher above bed* "Sure hope this works" *wakes up in the middle of the night* *Ryan Gosling is stuck in dreamcatcher* "YES"
@xLiserx: Netflix: Are you still watching? Me: Yes. I like to watch. Netflix: I’m worried about you. Me: Just play the next episode. Netflix: When was the last time you saw the sun? Me: There was an outdoor scene in episode 7. Play on.