@audipenny: When someone tries to argue with me I'm like "hey pal let me stop you right there" and then physically turn them around to face someone else
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@bashfulcoward: Girls love it when guys: - are respectful - are handsome - eat watermelon really fast and spit out the seeds like a machine gun
@hazelmotes1: Golf, except there's no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.
@GashleyMadison: It's like my nana always said, "If you choose your friends wisely, you'll never have good drugs."