@audipenny: When someone tries to argue with me I'm like "hey pal let me stop you right there" and then physically turn them around to face someone else
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@slimmy_shady: Kissed a receipt to lighten my lipstick but I need it to return something & now some cashier is gonna think I'm flirting.
@AmberTozer: Good thing "you only live once" has really caught on otherwise we might all kill ourselves like it's no big deal
@TheCiscoKidder: I knew it was time to vacuum when the baby rolled over and looked like an everything bagel.
@brunopieroni: "Ok, guys, before you start calling me a pervert, let me just say I found a great source of protein." — The first guy who ever milked a cow.