@Jam453Lane: When someone uses the bathroom and asks about the wine cork floating in the toilet is why I don't invite people to my house.
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@yonewt: God I'm so stupid I was looking all over for my car keys, turns out they were on my head the entire time.
@LionJenkins: Me: Doctor, it hurts when I go like this. Doctor: You're not doing anything. You're just sitting there being alive. Me: Exactly.