@Jam453Lane: When someone uses the bathroom and asks about the wine cork floating in the toilet is why I don't invite people to my house.
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@bridger_w: I had a jacket stolen from me tonight. My enemies will stop at nothing to keep me from maintaining a comfortable body temperature in style
@Dank_Pal: They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys
@GreenEyedJedi: I once dated a guy who left a trail of rose petals leading to a sinkful of dirty dishes.
@aquickschnack: ISIS MEMBER: Andy is your western name. what would you like your new, terrorist name to be? ME: Barry Bombs