@Jake_Vig: When someone walks into a room, I like to tap the person next to me and in a loud stage whisper say "Is that who you were telling me about?"
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@Death_Buddy: *gets to hell* [In earshot of Satan] I HATE ICE CREAM AND WATCHING TV, DAMN THAT WOULD BE REAL TORTURE FOR ME. OH AND BEER, I ALSO HATE BEER
@just1fool: Sleeping with me is a lot like sleeping with a stuffed animal. But that's only after I've eaten Mexican food.
@markleggett: Reports are now emerging from Russia that Putin rode the meteorite while shirtless, steering it away from a box of kittens.