@Jake_Vig: When someone walks into a room, I like to tap the person next to me and in a loud stage whisper say "Is that who you were telling me about?"
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@offbeatoliv: I think that as a reward for losing 200 lbs you should be able to use all of that loose skin to become a human version of a flying squirrel.
@ThisLocalHater: I am in my truest form when the food comes at a restaurant and I side-eye plates, suspicious that everyone got more fries than I did.
@SteveSuckington: ME: I can't come in to work. My grandma died BOSS: your grandma has died 4 times this year ME: yeah she's a cat