@jake_lach: When someone walks next to me at the same speed I want to grab their hand and start skipping
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@Lisabug74: If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
@KalvinMacleod: HER: I’m leaving you ME: Is it because I’m too literal? HER: no it's just we're not working out ME: *buys both of us a gym membership*
@TheTweetOfGod: The Alabama Supreme Court has blocked same-sex marriage on the legal grounds that it is 1953.