@2tickytacky: When someone yells "Fire!" at my house, I'll be the first to leap from the toilet and fall flat on my face because my legs fell asleep
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@rzarosco: Ask a girl if she wants to dance. If she says yes then start shooting at her feet. Congratulations you are now Yosemite Sam
@mactx85: I just now realized the guy at the urinal that complemented my watch might not have actually just been looking at my watch.
@Sassafrantz: The average person has sex 103 times a year and it's almost March so that means only 103 more to go.