@whalesmells: When someone you don't like is eating them, chips sound like 1000 asteroids smashing into the polar ice caps.
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@envydatropic: You people are tweeting a lot about this eclipse for people who claim to never go outside
@truegritrumble: COP: Know why I pulled you over? ME: *sliding off of elephant* Zoo wants its elephant back? COP: *nodding* The zoo wants its elephant back.
@LoriLuvsShoes: A CW told me for the 50th time that her baby learned how to walk so I told her"if you really wanna impress me lmk when it learns how to fly"