@whalesmells: When someone you don't like is eating them, chips sound like 1000 asteroids smashing into the polar ice caps.
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@ksujulie: Ice cream employee: I didn't know you had kids! You always come in by yourself. Kids: WHAT?! MOM! It's like she didn't want a tip.
@caithuls: [first date] ME: Wanna get out of here and *looks around nervously* go to separate places separately?
@ItsAndyRyan: In Heaven Me: I can't believe how much stuff the Bible got wrong Gid: You idiots couldn't even get my Giddamn name right