@AwkwardComedy: When someone you don't wanna see tries to make plans with you
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@mickeza1: You have 90,000 followers, follow 92,000, and all you tweet are @s thanking people for following back. Are you raising an army for Mordor?
@JulieSnark: Pepsi and Coke can't even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
@1_swarthy_dude: [texting] HotGirl: Help me ace the Periodic Table test tomorrow? Nerd: Selenium Neodymium Neon Tungsten Darmstadtium HG: ? N: SeNd NeWDs
@KalvinMacleod: [new hire intro] BOSS: this is Jim. You've been here how long Jim? JIM: next year will be 10 years ME: *rising from my cubicle* so 9 years