@AwkwardComedy: When someone you don't wanna see tries to make plans with you
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@RunwayDan: I told my wife I wanted a ferret, and the very idea made her so mad that for a second I thought I had mistakenly brought home a ferret.
@Brampersandon_: ME (watching a sea of a million llamas stampede over the horizon): dear God, it's the alpacalypse
@lloydrang: Will I. Am's headstone will read "Will I. Was," completing history's longest set-up to a punchline
@SocialExtortion: It's been the "longest week ever" for Janet on facebook, a woman that I know for a fact works 40 hours has been on facebook for 37 of them