@chrisdowning: When something at the hardware store says it's universal, that means it will fit every model on the market except the one you have.
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@Parentpains: My wife and I play trivia pursuit a lot, it's where she ignores me until I correctly guess what I did wrong.
@WheelTod: Funerals have gotten so expensive: at mom's, after paying for the bouncy house, clowns & pony rides, we couldn't afford a decent magic show.
@blondecalamity: Someone should have warned me, that when you have kids, they talk to you, like, ALL. THE. TIME.
@theroyaltramp: Me: I'm going on a liquid diet to refresh my system. Her: you're literally eating a breakfast burrito right now? Me:*mouth full* abfter viss