@chrisdowning: When something at the hardware store says it's universal, that means it will fit every model on the market except the one you have.
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@robfee: I would watch a reality show that's nothing but goth kids trying not to smile while riding on a jet ski.
@SteveSuckington: How dare you call me naive! I'd sue you for slander if I hadn't sent all my money to that Nigerian prince.
@thestlouisan: [Health fair] "Would you like a free diabetes cookbook?" Me [leaning in close]: Why would I ever want to cook diabetes?