@JasonBerlin: When something falls in your mouth by accident and you eat it, it's a snaccident.
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@Bryainiac: I don't know why they are called smart phones, I dropped mine in the toilet and it didn't even try to get out.
@Brianhopecomedy: Brought my 5 year old to the tax office to ensure that the accountant works as quickly as possible.
@ibid78: Bro do you even watch The Notebook and weep softly, mourning the eternal nature of love juxtaposed against the fallibility of memory, bro?
@slimmy_shady: Her: "How is it possible for anyone to be an idiot all the freakin time!" Me: "I know, I'm completely exhausted."