@TheSharona06: When taking your dog to the vet it's very important to remember to put your dog in the car.
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@Sean_Burgundy_: Leave everyone stranded at a bank robbery to play laser tag when you're the get away driver and suddenly no one is your friend anymore
@Qckhd: Girlfriend kept nagging at me to put the toilet seat down. So here I am, crying in the middle of a field, with the seat & a shotgun.
@retardedwriter: Old age is nothing but a computer with 1000 GB of memory running on a celeron processor
@ddsmidt: The person with duct tape holding most of their car together always has the right-of-way.