@Kalarlis: When the cashier asks for my signature, I just write "HELP ME" while maintaining eye contact
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@chelliet22: Two days ago: omg, I'm so glad I found my watch, I'll never misplace it again! Today: *has zero clue where the hell my watch is*
@XplodingUnicorn: The U.S. Army developed a pizza that stays good for 3 years. Finally, those billions in military spending paid off. Your move, Al Qaeda.
@PinkCamoTO: I used to have a desk with great selfie lighting and then I changed jobs for personal fulfilment. I wouldn't recommend it.
@iGreenMonk: TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.