@TheTweetOfGod: When the devil buys your soul he makes you sign a contract because even though he is pure evil he has an unshakable respect for tort law.
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@1slowery1: Me: hope ur soccer team wins the great fork American: What Me: the good plate American: the super bowl Me: i knew it was a kitchen something
@PaperWash: hey can I use your bathroom? cashier: only paying customers jesus...ok just give me 9 double whoppers with cheese, a chocolate shake, 2-
@Elizasoul80: The lack of proof that Robert Downey Jr is stalking me just convinces me that he is very good at it.
@youcancallmesim: "She sends things to strangers on the internet and no one even cares but she keeps doing it" - my dad, explaining me on twitter to my aunt.