@DammitLarry1: When the ex asks to be friends... it's like your mum telling you that your dog is dead but you can keep it.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheMichaelRock: I am aware that smoking will kill me, please explain to me again how you'll live forever
@smithsara79: "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take," I whisper to myself as I hit send on that sixth unanswered text
@Charles_HRH: Justin Bieber on the phone. Says he "won't be coming back to the UK in a hurry". Well played, Great Britain. Job done.