@DammitLarry1: When the ex asks to be friends... it's like your mum telling you that your dog is dead but you can keep it.
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@highwaytohelv: why yes i studied sports medicine at the university of phoenix. *puts stethoscope on basketball, nods*
@ArfMeasures: [phone] WIFE: Where the hell are u? ME: Well...u know that shop where u saw that ring you love W: OMG YES M: I'm catching Pokemon near there
@lovemydogduck: Are designated drivers only for people who drink?? Coz I've already dropped my keys twice just walking to my car.